Nan's Alphabet

1+1=2, the sky is blue beyond the clouds, Spring is coming, things we know are true.  As a child Eleanor believed all people are kind, school is fun, she was pretty. Her coal black hair and her ocean blue eyes were captivating to everyone. She was devoted to her mother, father, sisters, brother and her church. When she was 13 she was voted May Queen, a tradition in May that pays tribute to the Virgin Mary. As she aged she never wavered from these teachings. The world changes and so do people. She kept a steady path. Eleanor was secure in her mind that kindness, sharing, loving, caring, gentleness, honesty, fortitude were her foundation. She saw everyone the same way. She was not suspicious, cautious just curious why people were not exactly like her. She kept moving through her years always trusting that goodness would overcome evil. She was concerned every event within the family always involved alcohol. They adults seemed to have fun playing baseball, horseshoes, darts and corn holes

 If you have been in the Atlanta airport Raise your Hand! It is a magnificent travel destination as well as a nightmare if you are in a wheelchair and someone else controls your mobility. Eleanor and her sister were in the Atlanta airport both confined to wheel chairs, trying to get to Eglin Air Force Base, where her son was stationed. Unfortunately, massive storms were looming over the city and flights were cancelled right and left. Their gate changed twice in three hours. Up and down on the elevators, onto the nearest terminal, back up on the elevator and then learning you are not there yet. It lasted four hours until they were dropped off at the new gate listing. Thousands of people passing in front of them and beside them knocking their suitcases into the chair. They were frightened, exhausted and confused and they were only half way to their destination. They realized they had to go through Atlanta on their way home and thought about walking, taking a bus, buying a ticket on a tra

 If a mother has 13 pregnancies in 20 years how does she have time to have friends? The neighbors watch as the children play in the backyard and the front sidewalk. They become Eleanor's friends and outlet to the daily grind of cooking, cleaning and laundry. They share ideas chatting over the fence as they both hang the laundry on the clothes lines. They pickup dog shit so the children do not march it through the house. Neighbors greet each other with a smile no matter what happens behind closed doors. Every Tuesday morning Nan would go to the church and clean the alter and the pews of debris left over from 6 Sunday masses. A group of women bond over the chores of the church and look forward to Together Tuesdays. They get away from the hustle of the family for a few hours to do their church duties. These days with a hello hug, mean you are among friends and a strong bond is formed. You do not consider the priest your friend you just know he will listen, most of the time you are afr

 At 55 Eleanor took a job in Florida, 1900 miles from her children. She went to church every Sunday with her daughters, shopped with her sisters, played cards with her nursing school classmates, what will she do for fun so far away. She signed up for golf lessons and hit the links. The class was comprised of 15 children all under the age of 10 and her. She did not hit the ball any further than the kids but she wiped plenty of tears. The kids were teasing each other but they never said of word to Nan. She went to work 40 hours a week as a nurse for a private family but had extra time on her hands and no new friends. She signed up for classes at the community college which were free for people over 50. Just a pen and a note pad, no computer, no cell phone just guts. She never thought she would run into women and men her age, but she was surrounded by them. It turns out that others were just as bored as her. They started a study group on her night off. Two of her classmates had an electri

Who is the favorite child? Are they the first born? Will it be the child who looks like Mommy? My grand daughter is an only child and she did not have to jockey for position. She received all of the attention, all of the toys and hugs from 3 grandmothers. When there are multiple siblings there are ways to get the attention of MOM and GrandMOM. You can be the one that cries the most, throws the most tantrums, makes the most messes, sits quietly in the corner with legos, or requires the most attention because of an illness from birth. Sisters fight the worse, brothers tease the worse, sisters team up against the older brother, the youngest gets the most new clothes, new toys. One day my sister and I were fighting over panties and bras and she scratched me on the face and down my back. I was a nail biter so I had no nails but I was taller than her. By the time the brawl was over I looked like I had been in a cage with a wild lion. Who won? She did with the most blood running down my face

As you approach Grandma's house your heart starts to beat faster. You know you will get lots of hugs and kisses. There are plenty of surprises in store for you as you walk into the house smelling like chocolate chip cookies. Nanny, Nonni, Grandma, YaYa, Mimi, Nonna, Mawa, Gaga, Mom mom, are just a few of the precious loving names given to the wonderful person in your life. Some children are fortunate to live in the same household with several generations. They all teach valuable lessons. Nonna may read books to you before you go to bed every night. Nanny may help you with your homework. Mimi might teach you how to braid your hair. YaYa could teach you to fish or tie your shoes.  The wisdom flowing to the children is unable to come from the parents. They have not lived long enough to learn all the lessons life has taught their parents. I grew up with my grandmother living two blocks away and I went to her house for lunch from fourth to eighth grade. She made the best sandwiches with

 Most people who have never been abused verbally, physically, mentally or otherwise ask WHY don't you just leave. When the abuse started in 1944 there were no shelters, women had a duty to love their husbands according to the Catholic church. Eleanor knew that if she tried harder to be a good wife he would no long hit and abuse her. After a few beers and shots of whiskey he would smack her around and then show her in bed and rape her. He would never hit her in the face to show bruises they were all over her limbs. She wore long sleeve shirts in the summer to hide her injuries. I knew a lady who had children in the classroom when my children were young. One day she came in with a broken arm. Three weeks later she walked in with a black eye. The teacher told me that the previous year she had a broken collar bone. I walked with her one day and told her about my issues and what my mother had lived through for 25 years. She told me that she was afraid to leave her husband for fear he wo

 Nan's first job after the divorce was a room attendant with a hotel in Cape May, New Jersey. She made $2 an hour, she had 3 children under the age of 18 to finish raising and they all managed to squeeze in a room in the basement of the hotel. They had room and board so no one went hungry. Nan was 48 and still cleaning toilets, mopping up vomit, making beds and scrubbing floors. Her last 25 years were picking up after her family and no one else would hire her. This was a summer job so she went back to her home town and the children went back to school. She was hired as a  lunch room lady and recess yard attendant for an elementary school. She made $3 an hour. There was child support so she could pay rent and put food on the table. Two blocks from school and two blocks from church, she did not have a car, she had the will to keep going. The job lasted three years and all of the children had turned 18.  Eleanor took a job in a high society nursing home on the Main Line in Philadelphi