Believe

1+1=2, the sky is blue beyond the clouds, Spring is coming, things we know are true.  As a child Eleanor believed all people are kind, school is fun, she was pretty. Her coal black hair and her ocean blue eyes were captivating to everyone. She was devoted to her mother, father, sisters, brother and her church. When she was 13 she was voted May Queen, a tradition in May that pays tribute to the Virgin Mary. As she aged she never wavered from these teachings. The world changes and so do people. She kept a steady path.

Eleanor was secure in her mind that kindness, sharing, loving, caring, gentleness, honesty, fortitude were her foundation. She saw everyone the same way. She was not suspicious, cautious just curious why people were not exactly like her. She kept moving through her years always trusting that goodness would overcome evil. She was concerned every event within the family always involved alcohol. They adults seemed to have fun playing baseball, horseshoes, darts and corn holes while the children played tag, jump rope, hide and seek and hop scotch. It always ended up around the dining room table with a deck of cards and a drink on every corner of the table. Sometimes the kids would take a sip when their uncle fell asleep in his chair.

She started nursing school three days after she graduated high school. She was 40 miles away from home and had 25 new sisters. They bonded instantly with lots of tears and intensity of caring for the sick. There was little time to spare so she gravitated to her boyfriend on a few occasions and wound up pregnant. It was a no nonsense curriculum and pregnancy was not an option. She dropped out 5 days before graduation. He thought since she was around drugs there would be options to abort the child. He did not want a child. They were both 19, he only wanted her. As soon as their son was born the beatings started. Three months later she was pregnant again living in the attic of her parents home.

How could someone love you, have sex with you, beat you and want more sex in the same night. It is about power and control. She was not allowed to cry around her parents, they had no clue of the dilemma she was forced to accept. You marry forever was drilled into her. If she would behave better he would love her more and stop targeting her. She found out in later years his father and mother beat him as a child and he was just getting back at her for his tyrannical childhood.

She turned her love to her children and protected them from his vicious moods. All of the children knew there was horror in their bedroom but they could do nothing to stop it.

Keep Dreaming.

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