WHY

 Most people who have never been abused verbally, physically, mentally or otherwise ask WHY don't you just leave. When the abuse started in 1944 there were no shelters, women had a duty to love their husbands according to the Catholic church. Eleanor knew that if she tried harder to be a good wife he would no long hit and abuse her. After a few beers and shots of whiskey he would smack her around and then show her in bed and rape her. He would never hit her in the face to show bruises they were all over her limbs. She wore long sleeve shirts in the summer to hide her injuries.

I knew a lady who had children in the classroom when my children were young. One day she came in with a broken arm. Three weeks later she walked in with a black eye. The teacher told me that the previous year she had a broken collar bone. I walked with her one day and told her about my issues and what my mother had lived through for 25 years. She told me that she was afraid to leave her husband for fear he would find her and kill her or harm the children. She refused to listen to her minister and any member of her family. Two years later he stabbed her so many times in their kitchen she bled to death before first responders arrived.

There are thousands of stories of abuse and it is mostly about power. More than likely someone abused or ignored the man as a child. He wanted control over something so he chose his wife and often times it resorts to the children. Yes, there are now agencies, organizations and government assistance to turn to if you are brave enough to leave. Many women have a low self image that they feel they deserve this punishment. 

When Nan left the marriage after 25 years she had $300 and she owed that to the dentist. Three of her children were still under 18. Her parents were deceased and both of her sisters had 6 children of their own. Her brother assisted her with money and kindness and she needed both. She found the strength to move forward and never look back. A few years later she tried to date. She met a man on the bus and he asked her to dinner. When he walked her to the door of her apartment he tried to give her a kiss. She started to scream. She never dated again. She came to realize she was terrified of men.

The funny thing is that when the daughters married and there was conflict in their marriages she begged her daughters to just shut up and deal with it. Don't cause waves in the marriage. Three of her daughters ended up divorcing and are living happily without the baggage of the first husband. In my opinion, women try to marry the image that the know - their father. 

There are many loving father - daughter relationships and it is a beautiful thing to see. As we grow older our lives reflect our childhood experiences, they are hard to erase.

A positive self image!