Nan's Alphabet

I have just finished 26 stories with each letter of the alphabet. I will continue this sequence until I run out of stories, episodes and events. The legacy and HUGS of Nan are important to me and I want people to know how special she was in my life. 

 How can you be loved by everyone? My sister and brothers had friends who flocked to our doors daily. Sometimes we wished we did not have so many people in our house. Although it was the largest house for blocks, it was sometimes too full. When I was younger I just accepted it, later I realized my friends did not always have someone in their home who was kind, loving, considerate, understanding, would listen, did not judge, never turned them away, always had time for everyone. This was Nan. Is is possible for a mother to be a hero to hundreds? Mother Theresa, Kathy Headlee, Nancy Edison, Lou Xiaoying are four mothers in history who were amazing, tolerant and forthright. These women were unlike each other but the same in their determination to help others, love without denial. I had to admit I was jealous of my sisters and brothers when I moved away from my home town in 1968. I never moved back to that area. So many parties, birthdays, graduations, wedding, confirmation, family reun...

 Our family is close with Nan and her sisters living just blocks from one another. The cousins all congregated weekly and often daily for fun. Actually she lived with her parents with her younger sister living in the adjoining home, it was a duplex. They shared the local paper the Times Herald and the Philadelphia Inquirer, why pay for both if you can only read one at a time. One day she hollered over the fence to her nephew, 12 year old Pat. He was on the back porch and Nan yelled across "can you bring me the Herald". He looked up at his aunt and said "HUH" a couple of times, he did not understand what she was yelling at him. To be an obedient child he immediately went inside and looked around for what he thought she wanted. He popped his head out the back door a few minutes later carrying a globe on a three foot pedestal "The World" is what he thought she said.  Nan started laughing, doubled over tears in her eyes, at his heroic action. Pat went into his...

 Are mothers born with it? How do they know what is the best thing for that child? When you have too many children to count on your fingers what do you do? Are all mothers born with it or are fathers born with it too? Mother - daughter relationships are tough? Could you live with your mother today? Why do mothers always know how to comfort the child? What type of discipline is necessary? Were you terrified when you heard, "Wait til your father comes home"? Having several sisters close in age our house was full of moods, screaming, fighting not all the time most of the time was caring, sharing, loving, laughing. The boys were either older and ignored us or younger and we ignored them. We had our own clic in the neighborhood. In our younger years we had the same friends, rollerskating, jumping rope, hopscotch, tag, chalking the sidewalk, hide and seek. Our house was the major go to place. There was no commander in charge we just gathered for fun. If someone had 25 cents we woul...

 For 25 years Nan lived 6 months in New York and 6 months in Florida. In order to stay in touch with her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren she would send money. She would also send money to her sister's children and grand children, plus people who she met along her walk of life. As the immediate family grew to 60 she was running out of money for herself. Sometimes she would buy 40 one dollar lottery tickets to put into a Valentine, Easter, Birthday, Halloween, or Thanksgiving card. Christmas it was always a gift. There were no gift cards in those days. Believe it or not she would send cards to our ex-husbands and they would keep it. As the older grandchildren became wise to her dilemma, they would open the card, hand their mother the check and write a thank you note. The Nan philosophy was, " Get a gift write a thank you note." It was drilled into her children and we were expected to drill it into our children and grandchildren. It happens with a few of them...

 There are a two rules I live by: 1- Everything that happens is meant to be. 2- There are 7 Billion people in this world and they all have something to teach you-Listen! A few short years before my divorce I was working with a server who asked me to meet her mother. She had not seen her mother in 22 years. Her mother lived in Ethiopia. I said sure why not. She was born and raised in that country, with her father being a diplomat, she came to the United States. She lived in a few states other than Washington, D.C. ending up in California.  She had a wicked sense of humor, beautiful Ethiopian features, was the hardest worker in the restaurant, besides me of course. From the moment we met we were inseparable. We did not eat the same food, our husbands never met, she came from a large family plus we both loved people. She was 5'2" and I am 5'7" both wish a wicked mouth, both taking no nonsense from our customers. We were not in a union restaurant so we worked breakfast, l...

 You see the same children every day on the bus, in the playground, in Walmart, riding their bikes. Are we really like each other or does our family heritage dictate how we act and who we are?  So many of my classmates spoke Italian in the home, their parents only spoke Italian. They had their own shops, grocery stores or worked for a relative or neighbor who only spoke Italian. Their family hierarchy demanded they all have dinner on Sunday together. Great idea unless you are not Italian. My second sister married an italian man who was the coolest guy in high school. She made it big when she married him. She was so lucky. Her mother in law was wonderful unless it came to food. She was a marvelous cook and demanded my sister be one two. In sixteen months after they were married she had two children. He husband was a salesman, had a large route, with long hours. Every Sunday after church she would prepare part of the meal, pack it in the car with the children and meet her husban...

 It made me curious that Nan would always say, "I would give $100 for 10 minutes of peace and quiet". As a child I never knew what she was talking about. Why would anyone want such a thing? A mother could be an octopus and she would never have  enough arms. To be pulled in eight directions at one time is an understatement when it came to our family. Nan never had a duplicate birth like twins or triplets, it seemed so because there was always a baby in the house who needed a diaper change. It might be easier to have one at a time but if you have multiple births it is over in an instant. Of course, not really because you have to feed 4 babies at once and put them in the tub at once and get them to sleep at once. We had several friends growing up who were an only child and they were always at our house. I thought no one steels their toys and they have their own room. We were never lonely and we were never alone. There was a natural course of events to get dressed for school, eat...

In 1950 all clothes had a button or a zipper to put them snug against your body. There were darts from the waist to your breast, concave arches up the back, a snug pack of cotton for the shoulders that came to a point. Boy were we cute! No such things as stretch pants or elastic waistband. The ladies hair was a beehive and we teased our hair 6 inches high. The guys had a ducktail at the nape of their neck and pompadour full of grease, enough to make fried chicken. Nan had three dresses in her closest two with buttons up the front and one with a zipper down the back. One was for church, one was for weddings and one was for every day. She never wore slacks and absolutely would never put on a pair of jeans. She was a lady. He hair was black and straight and always covered her ears. She hated her ears, she thought they were too big and she never wore her hair up in a bun. She was beautiful even when she was hanging clothes with the wind blowing 40 mph.  In the morning she put on a clea...

 I think back to the 66 years I had my mother in my life, I always said yes to her questions. The simple things were easy like, do your homework, brush your teeth, help your sister, get your brother out of the tree. The more difficult demands were always done with a positive attitude but I was not happy. I was the second born so I am a middle child. My older brother never had to do chores, he was the last one to the dinner table, he never had to change a diaper, he did whatever he chose to do. I watched in horror as he was given his first bike, he left it on the curb to go into the house and a car ran over it. The next day he had a new bike. He received a $.25 allowance just like me, he did not have to life a finger. My chores were to clean all the steps of the house to the third floor, there were 46 and the wooden banister along side the steps. Another chore was to set the table for the family, pour the milk and dry the dishes. I was not happy. When Nan spoke we listened. There wa...

 We did not need incentive to put on a show for family evenings. The world was our oyster and it came with encouragement from Nan. She loved to laugh and be creative to help us to be happy every day. We would take the sheets off the beds, dance around the house singing and dancing using the sheets as a cape to become dramatic. We could tell a joke of Why the chicken crossed the road, sing "I am a little teapot", dance with a broomstick as a partner, do a tumbling routine, play the piano or just be silly. The aunts and uncles would applaud then beg for more. There was always encouragement to read  the bible in a quiet corner, pick flowers to make a wreath for the door, get out the sewing machine to make an outfit, play catch with your brother, pick up the encyclopedia or a dictionary to find a new word, read the Wall Street Journal for the political events. She could not get out of town but she wanted to make sure there was a world waiting for us to explore. The most she had t...

 When you have an abode full of children and adults who needs an animal to create more work. That was not the case for our house. We always had pets running around and lodging on every floor and every bedroom. Most of the time they were trained to go outside but not always. The worse part of this scenario was all of our floors were wood, if a dog or cat was not quick enough to get down three flights of steps you were walking in your bare feet to go to the bathroom and you would step into a puddle. Nan's favorite of all dog breeds was a beagle. They are not too big and they don't shed too much. All of our beagles were named LULU. All of their babies were named LULU.  We are all animal lovers from birth, so a stray pet would often go unnoticed for days because we used to hide them in our room. It is difficult to keep a beagle quiet because of their howling. Once my sister brought home an 80 pound Collie. We named him Moses. My sister was six and Moses could run faster than her a...

 The top 4 richest neighborhoods in New York City are - according to Google -  West Village, Greenwich Village, Cobble Hill, Upper East Side and Nan lived in one of these neighborhoods for 20 years. She worked as a nurse for a wealthy couple and she traveled with them. They lived in the penthouse and she lived in the help quarters at the bottom of the building. Her shift was 8 hours a day and on call when needed. Her employer was on a kidney dialysis machine 3 times a week. When I went to visit her I met the chauffeur, the chef, the maid, their personal doctor and the other nurses that covered alternate shifts. If Nan owned one of these residences I would never had to work my entire life. During her time off she would take long walks. She always carried two dollars with her. The first person who was homeless she would hand them a dollar and wish them well. On the way back to her room she would give the other dollar to a homeless person and wish them well. Central Park was the ...

 If Nan was invited to your wedding every couple received the same gift for 50 years. How could she know what people needed, what decor they purchased? The wedding registry initiated in 1924 with Marshall Fields and it was mainly for the upper class, elite socialite and political families. Nan had one idea and never wavered from it. "BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER". This was her philosophy in life and so she proceeded with the same gift for everyone. A Mirror! WHAT? Do you have a mirror in your place? Who gave it to you? Did it come with the furnishings of the house? How many mirrors do you have including the one that is on your medicine cabinet, over your bathroom sink too? She did not store mirrors in our basement and just pick one for the wedding. She would go to the store and match the mirror to the personality of the couple. Before wrapping the mirror she would get a tube of lipstick - mostly red - and write in block letters on the mirror "May you always see a smile!" ...

 Get up at 4 AM to carry your hockey gear from the car to the rink and start practice at 4:45 AM, finish practice, have breakfast in the car. By 7 AM you are back home, take off your sweaty clothes, jump in the shower and get ready to ZOOM. If you are not a hockey player you do the same routine for swimming class or basketball class before school starts. As a kid I got up at 7 AM, put on my uniform, grabbed a piece of peanut butter toast and caught a bus to school. My homeroom class was alphabetical all four years of high school. My classes differed because I was in the band. I had braces on my teeth so I was in the percussion section. We had marching band practice, concert band practice, pep rally band practice. What if you were a football player and had two-a-day practices, or if you ran track and you did the 100 meter, 400 meter and 4000 meter races. How do you juggle your friends, your homework, your  commitment to your dreams? My friend had a daughter in figure skating. T...

 Put your hands together and give credit where credit is due. We are grateful when our children come home with a good report card. There is excitement when your children lose a tooth and the fairy used to leave 25cents, now it is $1.00. When a two year old decides to use a potty chair without be coaxed with a popsicle we are thrilled. We might try clapping when they use a spoon, or put on their own pajamas. So many ways we can glorify the actions of the child without threats of punishment. Jump up and down when they walk into the room after picking up their toys. Playing with other children without pinching, slapping or spitting on them, even for 30 minutes deserves a reward. Food does not have to be reward, because the next time they will expect food again. Getting an allowance for making your bed for a week will lead to more unmade beds. If you clap you are stimulated to show praise. Nan never went one day without saying something nice to her children. They were all simple statem...

 When you were in high school you try to impress your friends, be the class clown, sit in the back of the room, get 100% on your match quiz, make weird sounds, throw spit balls, sit next to the same person on the bus, and fart as often as possible if you are a boy. Nathaniel did all of the above and more. He was Nan's first born, a blonde hair blue eyed king of the world. He was an actor at all times and everyone clapped their hands for all of his antics. From 1st thru 8 grade when I entered the classroom the teacher would say, "Are you Nathaniel's sister"? He was one year older than me. His grades were through the roof, he was a whip with math, science, English, history and the German language. He was admitted to a prestigious Catholic high school with an enormous tuition. Everyone expected great things from him, all he wanted was attention. He took a private bus at 6:30 a.m. every morning for a 1 1/2 hour ride to school, it was 42 miles from our home. He returned ho...

When you have 10 to 13 people at the dinner table 365 days a year you have to get creative. Always meat and potatoes with a serving of vegetables was a typical meal. Everyone sat down at the same time, we said grace and you ate what was on your plate. If it was asparagus, brussels sprouts, or cauliflower you rolled it up in your napkin, put it in you pocket or fed it to the dog with a piece of meat. There were always tears at the table for the child that tried to put it in their mouth but it never got passed their nose. The other children would laugh and make fun of the younger ones. Every dinner was hectic with a touch of bonding. Cake mixes were introduced to the public supermarkets in 1948. They were never purchased for our house because one cake mix made 12 cupcakes. That was not enough to get through lunch and dinner for our clan. Everything was made from scratch, pie crust, cakes, dumplings, muffins, pancakes, waffles and dinner rolls. There was a wooden box over the stove that h...

 We headed to the Jersey shore to share a weekly rental with friends. There were 11 children in the station wagon and Nan. There were no seatbelt mandates in 1954. It was not until 1964 they were in American cars. It is 85 miles to Ocean City, New Jersey from our home. Roadside rest areas were few and far between. We played "I Spy" and other car games for the two hour drive. We pulled up to the beach at 10am and rushed with our towels to the edge of the water. Within two minutes we were all called back to the car to help carry chairs, umbrellas, snacks, drinks, floats and boards to our spot. Every child over 7 had the responsibility of attaching themselves to a child under 7.  I had it easy, Richard fell asleep in the car and was ready to play in the surf. He was 3 1/2 years old and very rarely left my side. It was two o'clock and that was time to head to the boardwalk for the afternoon ice cream cone. We held hands, avoided the sea gulls, and sang "I am a little tea...